The Brotherhood Gets POOLED
by Stryker Young
Summary: Tabitha's "friend" needs a place to live, and the Brotherhood's caught his interest. Will this kid be too much for the B-Hood? Or will he help them in more ways than they thought?
1. Chapter 1

"Having one more mouth to feed _isn't _going to stop our food shortage, Tabby!"

"Well then go buy more _food_!" Tabitha Smith shouted. "No! Not you, Blondie!" she quickly said into the phone. "Yes, yes, I _know_ you like muffins, hun, I'll tell Lance to get them for ya."

"Right!" Lance Alvers roared, throwing his hands up in the air as he followed her to the living room. "Sure, I'll get the guy some muffins! The second you hand me some _money_!"

Tabitha rolled her eyes and put a finger to her lips. Pietro Maximoff snickered from the couch at the look of pure agitation on Lance's face. Ever since Tabitha moved back in the two had been at each other's throats trying to figure out how to get necessities for the Brotherhood. They and Fred had gotten jobs, but Tabitha and Fred got fired after a week (Tabitha had a fit and blew a coffee machine sky high, and Fred ate most of the inventory in the local grocery store). So now Lance was fighting to support them, and _losing_.

"The city's going to shut our water and electricity off again, Tabby!" Lance was shouting. "Tell your friend he has to go somewhere else!"

"Yeah, I can't do another winter without heat, yo," Todd Tolanski said, shivering at the thought.

"Look, I _know _it's going to be a long trip, but you've gotta get here as quick as you can," Tabitha told her friend, sticking her tongue out at Lance's glare. "Because we need more _money_, and _Lancey_ here doesn't believe you can help get some."

"What's-the-big-deal-about-this-guy-anyway?" Pietro asked when she came over to the couch (Tabitha had a habit of pacing when she talked on the phone. It was amusing to watch). "He's-not-going-to-turn-us-into-the-working-class-is-he?"

"What? Yeah, that was Speedy..._no_, he doesn't suck eggs! Does he sound like _who_? I don't _know_-_U__rgh_! Just get _over _here!"

"Why can't you _listen _for once!" Lance roared when Tabitha hung up. The house shook for a second with his fury. "We can't _afford _any more people! We've got enough with us four, Fred, and Wanda! One more is going to _kill _us!"

"He needs a _home_, Lance!" Tabitha insisted. "Just like _we_ do! Fred's out looking for a new job anyway, so don't stress so much!"

"_Stress_? _Me_? I'm not _stressed_, why should I be _stressed_?"

"You know, when you say that through clenched teeth, it sounds like your gonna explode," Todd pointed out.

Lance turned his glare to him.

"...But you don't look _stressed_..."

"Okay," Tabitha sighed as Pietro snickered again. "I'll make you a deal. If my friend _does _move in, and it _doesn't _work out, I'll find somewhere else for him to stay. Maybe see if Xavier can take him in."

"You couldn't do that _before _you invited him?" Lance asked.

"It's definitely on the bottom of his list to move _there_. For some reason you all interested him, so he wants to see what it's like here."

"We-interest-_him_?" Pietro scoffed. "Who-is-this-guy, a-_news_-_anchor_?"

"_Eeeeeeew_! Way to _insult _someone!"

Everyone jumped out of their skin and turned to the person leaning against the doorway. He had this big grin on his tanned face, spiky blonde hair, and green eyes. He wore a black t-shirt and blue jeans. Lance furrowed his brow at the statement across the shirt front: "Hey Look, I'm in a Fanfic!"

"_Sharron_!" the kid cried, holding his arms out to Tabitha.

She narrowed her eyes at him.

"Just kiddin'! Hi Tabby!"

"How did you...get _in _here?" Lance asked as Tabitha smiled and rushed into his hug. Their front door had been locked.

"Through that portal over there."

The boys looked around him to find what he was talking about.

"..._What _portal?" Todd asked.

"That..._oh_, hey," the kid said when he looked behind him. "Those things close up _fast_!"

The boys stared at him, then Lance shook his head and cringed.

"Look, Tabby told us you need a place to stay," he started. "But we don't have enough room here, so you're going to have to-"

"Your face is really _toned_!" the kid said as he grabbed Lance's jaw. "Or, you could say, _rock solid_!"

He released Lance's face as he laughed uncontrollably. Lance backed away as the other boys stared at him.

"Don't start antagonizing them, Wade!" Tabitha laughed.

"Wade?" Pietro repeated. A lightbulb went off and he paled. "Wade..._W__ilson_?"

"Correcto Inuyasha/Hermes _wannabe_!" Wade cried as he plopped onto the couch beside the speedster. "And can I _just _say that I can see why all the girls make those _kinky _stories about you! _Snicker_! But your dad totally looks like Buzz Lightyear."

Pietro gave him a disturbed look and leaned away as Wade turned to Todd.

"...You reek…" he told him. "...That's really it you just _reek_!"

"Okay, I've had enough of-" Lance started as Todd sighed.

"Shhh! _Shhh_!" Wade said, holding his arms out in front of him. "There's voices!"

Everyone listened, but no one heard anything.

"What are you…" Todd started.

"I'm serious! One just evilly laughed 'cause the writer said they could leave reviews on their page!"

"Oh, Wade, those voices aren't real, hun," Tabitha sighed as Pietro scooted to the other end of the couch.

"But they _are_! One of them is going _spelunking_!"

"Okay! You can go now!" Lance shouted.

"_Lance_-" Tabitha started.

"I'm-with-Lance-this-time," Pietro said as Wade scooted down the couch and grinned at him.

"I don't know...he's not _that _bad," Todd said.

"He's a _nut_," Lance growled, matching Tabitha's glare. "We may as well have invited _Pyro _to come live with us."

"C-Can-we-switch-John-for-_this_-one?" Pietro asked, pushing Wade's face away as he drew closer.

"You know, your eyes are _really pretty _for a dude!" Wade said. "Would you consider _donating _them?"

Pietro zipped off the couch and up the stairs, leaving Wade to _thunk _his chin on the couch.

"Dang, and I almost had a hair sample…"

"_Tabby_…" Lance snarled, his fists clenched tightly as he and their home shook.

"He's _kidding_!" Tabitha assured him. "Right Wade?"

"Yep, _totally_," Wade said, giving the rock-tumbler his signature grin. "Just like I'm sure _you_ were kidding when you cut your hair like that!"

Todd fled to the kitchen as the house practically bounced off its foundation. Wade squeaked as Lance grabbed him up by the collar and threw him to the doorway.

"Get! _Out_!"

"But I came to _help_!" Wade whined as he straightened. "Tabby said you needed it!"

"We'll get it somewhere _else_! Just get out!"

"Lance, _c'mon_!" Tabitha cried.

"No, I'm not going to let some _doofus _come in and waste our time-"

"You're not going to kick my _cousin _out, Lance!"

Lance froze and stared at her, slackjawed. The house settled back down as Tabitha crossed her arms over her chest and gave him a triumphant smirk.

"What's the matter, _Rocky_, didn't see that coming?" Wade asked as he came over and wrapped an arm around Tabitha's shoulders.

Lance stammered for a moment, then groaned and slapped a hand over his eyes.

"Oh, come on!" Tabitha cried. "He's not _that _bad!"

"Yeah!" Wade said, pointing up at the ceiling. "I'll even be _super _helpful and get those groceries you needed!"

Lance lowered his hand and raised an eyebrow.

"You _will_?" he asked skeptically.

"Sure will! I needed muffins anyway!"

He gave Tabitha a kiss on the cheek and raced for the door. Lance stared after him, then turned to Tabitha.

"_How _would Wade be making us money?" he asked.

Tabitha's eyes widened, then she gave him a nervous smile.

"Well...see...he's uh…" she stammered. "He's...sort of a..._mercenary_…"

Lance stared at her blankly, as if her words didn't process. Tabitha glanced out the window, then looked up at the ceiling.

"And he just took your Jeep…"


	2. Chapter 2

"When's What's-His-Name coming back?" Todd asked.

"I don't know," Lance sighed. "Maybe we got lucky and he was hit by a bus."

Tabitha glared at him.

"I don't know what your problem is," she said. "He hasn't done anything to you guys."

"He-asked-for-my-_eyes_!" Pietro reminded her.

"Because they're _pretty_!"

"Whatever! The-kid's-not-right, and-he-can't-stay-here!"

"Why?"

Pietro hesitated, then sighed.

"Have-any-of-you-heard-of-Weapon-X?"

Tabitha nodded, but Lance and Todd shook their heads.

"Well, Weapon-X-was-responsible-for-giving-Wolverine-his-adamantium-bones," Pietro started. "And-from-what-my-dad-told-me, they-also-gave-Wade-_his_-powers."

"You didn't know about that?" Lance asked Tabitha.

"Yeah, I kinda did," Tabitha admitted. "But he didn't go into detail about what they were."

"They gave me the power to detect when people are _talking about me_!"

Everyone jumped and turned to the door. Wade was standing there with both arms full of paper bags, brimming with food.

"...Whoa...you actually went and _got_ groceries?" Todd marvelled.

"Yep," Wade said. "Told you I would!"

"Right," Lance started. "So...how did you pay?"

Wade stared at him, looked up at the ceiling, then furrowed his brow.

"I thought this was free."

"_What_?" everyone shouted.

"What?" Wade squeaked, jumping back. "You act like I stole it or something!"

"Wade, if you didn't pay then you _stole _it!" Tabitha cried.

"Oh...my bad…"

Lance smacked his forehead and growled.

"Well, at least I lost the cops before they got me," Wade said with a smile.

"You-were-chased-by-the-cops?" Pietro asked.

"Yeah, but I took care of them!"

"How?" Todd asked.

"They can't follow you if their tires are slashed."

"Oh my _gosh_, we're all dead!" Tabitha wailed.

"Oh no, _we're_ not dead," Lance growled as he came towards Wade. "When I'm done, there's only going to be _one_ casualty!"

"Wow, is Pitri that annoying?" Wade asked innocently.

"My-name's-_Pietro_!" Quicksilver cried.

Wade started to say something, then heard something squeak behind him and turned. The food fell out of his arms as his jaw dropped. Pietro's twin sister, Wanda, took one look at him and paused on the stairs, looking him up and down. Lance was grinding his teeth and going over to pick up the food that fell out of the bags as Pietro zipped over to see what Wade was ogling.

"...Hi?" Wanda greeted, annoyed that the kid was staring at her.

Wade was beside her in a second, scrambling onto the other side of the railing and resting his chin on it as he grinned at her.

"Hi, we've never met before," he started foggily. "I think I woulda remembered such a pretty face."

Wanda stared at him as Pietro's eyes widened.

"...Get away from me," Wanda growled.

Wade felt something wrap around him, then looked down to see his body glowing blue. He yelped as he was thrown from the stairs and crashed into the wall. He slid to the ground as Pietro and Todd sighed with relief.

"Someone tell me why _another_ loser is in our house?" Wanda ordered as she came into the kitchen.

"_Tabby_ decided to invite him in," Lance growled as he finished putting the cans back in the bag. Wanda grabbed the other and went to the cupboard.

"He's not a loser," Tabitha said. "And...hey, you said you liked me!"

"Fine, why is another loser _boy_ in the house?" Wanda corrected.

"Wait, wait, hang on!" Wade cried as he stood and rushed over to her. "What if I told you I'm _not_ a photographer...but I can _totally_ picture us together?"

He gave her a big, hopeful grin as Wanda rolled her eyes at him.

"He'd _better_ be related to someone."

"He's my cousin," Tabitha told her as she grabbed some of the vegetables and went to the fridge.

"Distant?"

She turned away from Wade, and he moved to follow her. His feet slipped up and he fell onto the floor. Wanda paused as he bolted right up and pointed at her.

"Do you have a Band-Aid?" he asked. "'Cause I just scraped my knee falling for you!"

Pietro's fists clenched at his side as Wanda glared at him. Lance had stopped putting the groceries away and he and Todd stared at the boy, Lance with sudden amusement and Todd with envy (why hadn't _he_ thought of that one).

"Do you _really_ need a Band-Aid?" Wanda asked Wade.

He thought about it, then nodded, sagging a bit as he locked eyes with her.

"I also need a map." That goofy grin came onto his face.

"Why?"

"'Cause...think I just got lost in your eyes…"

Wanda raised an eyebrow as Pietro's face turned red. He was _this_ close to exploding.

His jaw dropped when Wanda smiled a little, then giggled. Wade shot up straight and everyone stiffened at the wide, confident grin on his face.

"Yeah, and...and…" he stammered, looking around the room.

He saw the bananas in Tabitha's hand and said:

"You also...must be a banana...'cause you're _really_ a-_peeling_!"

Wanda's smile fell and she groaned. Tabitha covered her mouth against her giggling and the boys rolled their eyes. Pietro zipped over and grabbed Wade's shoulder, a smirk on his face.

"Guess-you-blew-it," he said. "Oh-well, too-bad, better-luck-"

"Wait! I've got another one in here!" Wade cried, trying to wrench out of Pietro's grasp. "Why don't you grab my arm! Then I can tell everyone I was touched by an angel!"

Wanda growled and Pietro started dragging Wade towards the door.

"Wait, what did you say your name was?" Wade cried as he dug his heels into the floor. "_Swiffer_? That fits, 'cause you _swept_ me off my feet!"

Wanda had to turn to the refrigerator in order to hide the tiny smile that came back on her face. Pietro grabbed Wade's collar with his other arm as the boy clung to the doorway.

"Wait...uh...uh..._you're so beautiful I forgot all my pickup lines_!"

Pietro finally was able to pry him off the door and dragged him up the stairs, restraining the want to throw the boy out the window. Tabitha and Lance were dying in the kitchen, repeating his words whenever they had enough air. Todd leaned around the two to see Wanda's face. It was a light pink as she giggled quietly to herself.


End file.
